Parshas Chayei Sarah

I Had a Really Rough Day!

 

“No, my lord, hear me: I give you the field and I give you the cave that is in it; I give it to you in the presence of my people. Bury your dead.” (Bereishis 23:11)

Avraham was willing to do anything that Hashem wanted. He was even willing to sacrifice his son to Hashem. As he was about to do so, an angel of Hashem told him to stop. Hashem had only wanted to test Avraham if he would be willing to sacrifice his son. However, Hashem did not want Avraham to actually sacrifice him.  Avraham returned home only to find that his wife, Sarah, had passed away. So, Avraham had to find a place to bury her. Avraham had thought that he was the legitimate heir to Eretz Yisrael and would not have to purchase a grave. But he did. He had to get into a dialogue with Efron the Chitti. Efron initially offered Avraham the burial plot for free. The Torah says, “No, my lord, hear me: I give you the field and I give you the cave that is in it; I give it to you in the presence of my people. Bury your dead.” (Bereishis 23:11) The Midrash says that Efron never intended to give it to Avraham for free. Efron strongly hinted to an exorbitant price, “My lord, do hear me! A piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver. What is that between you and me? Go and bury your dead.” (23:14-15) Avraham took the hint and when he was ready to pay, Efron demanded a more expensive type of silver currency which was valued at more than the 400 regular shekalim. In fact, Rashi says that the name Efron is written defectively in the Torah (without the letter ו) in this one instance to indicate that there was something missing in Efron. He was not sincere. He promised much but did not do even the very least. He took large silver shekels, superior coins, from Avraham, which were worth more money. The Talmud (Bava Metzia 87A) quotes Rabbi Elazar who said that we learn from this that the wicked say much and do not do even a little. The Midrash adds that while Avraham was weighing the silver to pay Efron, Efron also stole some of Avraham’s silver from the scale.

 

Hashem tested our forefather Avraham 10 times. Most commentaries say that the tenth and final test was the Akeidas Yitzchak, when Hashem asked Avraham to sacrifice his son, Yitzchok. However, Rabbeinu Yona (Avos 5:3) considers the test of the Akeida as the 9^th test. He says that the 10^th and final test was the difficulty that Avraham had to undergo in purchasing a grave for his wife Sarah.

 

It is true that it was upsetting and aggravating until Avraham was finally able to bury Sarah. However, how could this possibly be considered an even greater test than Avraham’s readiness to sacrifice his own son?

 

Rav Yissocher Frand answers this question based on a thought by Rav Eliyahu Dessler (Michtav M’Eliyahu). Rabbi Dessler explains that this was the hardest test because of two factors which came together at the same time. Both of those factors would have provoked a certain response from most people. Avraham reaction differently and heroically.

 

Avraham was faced with a seller who tried to take advantage of him at a time that Avraham could have been under tremendous duress. When Avraham passed this test, he demonstrated two of the greatest aspects of his personality.

 

Rabbi Frand says that Efron was very dishonest. And, Avraham knew that.

 

What is the normal reaction when dealing with such a dishonest person who is trying to cheat you? The immediate response would be that he is trying to fool me and ‘rip me off’, so I will do the same back to him. He is not acting in a nice way to me, so why should I be nice to him?  

 

Furthermore, how do people react under stress? Rabbi Frand was recently in the supermarket. He politely asked the person who was bagging his groceries not to overload his bags to make it easier to carry. The fellow barked at Rabbi Frand! Rabbi Frand asked him, “Why did you talk to me like that?” “I had a hard day!”, he replied.

 

Sometimes, when someone has a hard day, he feels that he is permitted to treat others in a gruff and in a mean manner.

 

Another example could be if one experiences losing his luggage after a long airplane flight. At that point a person is very tired and the last thing that he wants to deal with is having to find his lost luggage.  He may feel that he has the right to scream at the ticket agent because he had the stress of having lost his luggage!

 

Rabbi Frand gives a third example. Someone who has a relative in the hospital is under a lot of pressure. He may be scared and worried. If a nurse or doctor or even someone in the cafeteria would give him a hard time he might react without patience.  He might feel that he has the right to act without patience since his relative is in the hospital.

 

These are all understandable reactions when a person is emotionally charged.

 

Avraham Avinu just came back from the Akeida. Imagine the roller coaster of emotions that he must have felt. He was willing to listen to anything that Hashem asked him. First, he thought that he would be sacrificing his son to Hashem. He went with his full heart, happy to serve Hashem, while at the same time crying for his son. At the last moment, at the height of emotion, Avraham was told not to sacrifice his son. He still felt the need to give a sacrifice to Hashem, so Hashem provided him with a ram. Imagine the drain of emotion that Avraham might have felt. Then imagine that at this emotional state, Avraham returns home to find that his wife had died. And now, coming off the hardest of days, he must buy a grave for his wife. And he had to deal with the unscrupulous Efron.

 

Did Avraham react as many people would? Did he allow all his stress to give him a carte blanche to react negatively? No! Avraham acted with derech eretz and with honor towards Efron. He didn’t act disrespectfully, excusing himself by saying that he had a bad day, that he was totally stressed out.

 

Although dishonest, Efron was a person. That demanded that Avraham treat him like anyone who is in the image of Hashem.

 

Rabbi Dessler writes, “Just because I am in pain, does not mean that the other person has to suffer!”

 

This incident of burying Sarah, with all the challenges involved, represented the ultimate test in relationships between man and his fellow man. Avraham, who may have been under tremendous personal stress, seemingly had every excuse to act with the dishonest Efron in a harsh manner. Yet he didn’t! And that was his greatness! Rabbeinu Yona considers that even greater than being willing to sacrifice his son!

 

We inherited from our forefather Avraham, in our spiritual DNA, the ability to rise above and behave properly to others even under the most challenging of circumstances.

 

 

When one has a hard day at the office,

it does not mean that one can take out one’s stresses on one’s children or spouse.

There is no such ‘heter’, waiver, permitting

“since I am suffering, I can cause suffering to my fellow man”.

Even under the most stressful and trying circumstances, when one seems to have every excuse in the world to act differently, one must be a mentsch and treat others with derech eretz.

We CAN do it! It is in our DNA!

 

(based on Rabbi Yissocher Frand at Torah.org)

Parshas Chayei Sara

What Is The Rush?

 

“She quickly emptied her pitcher into the trough, and she ran to the well again to draw water. and she drew water for all his camels.” (Bereishis 24:20)

Avraham sent his servant, Eliezer, to find a wife for Yitzchak. Eliezer traveled to Aram Naharayim and waited by the well. He felt that any girl who would offer water to both him and his camels was a girl who would exemplify the trait of kindness that would make her fitting to join Avraham’s family. Eliezer davened to Hashem that such a girl would also be from Avraham’s family, proving without a doubt that this was Yitzchak’s designated wife (Bereishis 24:10-14, based on Rashi’s explanation).

Rivkah approached the well and offered water to both Eliezer and his camels. All of Rivkah’s actions were done quickly, with alacrity. “She said, ‘Drink, my master’, and she quickly lowered her pitcher to her hand, and let him drink. She quickly emptied her pitcher into the trough, and she ran to the well again to draw water. and she drew water for all his camels.” (Bereishis 24:18.20)

Why was Rivkah acting in such a quick manner? The pasuk does not indicate that the camels were on the verge of collapse. So why was Rivkah rushing and running even to give water to the camels?

The Midrash (Midrash Rabbah Bamidbar 10:7) states, “All of the deeds of the righteous are done quickly.” Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzatto zt”l writes (Mesilas Yesharim chapter 6), “The man whose soul yearns to perform the will of his Creator will not be lazy in the performance of His mitzvos. His movements will be as the quick movements of a fire, and he will not rest or be still until the deed has been completed.” Doing mitzvos with alacrity shows one’s love for Hashem.

Sforno says when you do someone a favor quickly you are showing that he is important to you. Rivkah expressed this by the speed with which she went about her tasks.

The Shelah has an entirely different answer. He says that Rivkah’s running was a brilliant plan to save herself from a tricky situation. After Eliezer finished drinking from the jug, there was some water left over. That left Rivkah with a dilemma. If she would give the remaining water to the camels, that would be disrespectful to Eliezer. It would equate his needs with the needs of the camels. If she would spill out the water, that would also be a slight to Eliezer. It would be as if she was saying that there was something wrong with his leftover water. Rivkah solved the problem in a brilliant manner. She kept “running” back and forth to bring water to the camels. She deliberately “tripped”, dropped the jug and let all the water spill out. Since she had been running, it seemed as if the jug fell by accident. In this way, Rivkah avoided offending Eliezer. (Talelei Oros by Rabbi Yissachar Dov Rubin)

According to the Shelah, Rivkah showed kindheartedness, wisdom. and sensitivity.

According to the Beis Halevi, Eliezer was testing Rivkah when he asked for a drink. He purposely left some water in the jug as an additional test. First, Eliezer asked to drink directly from Rivkah’s jug, as there were no glasses to drink from. Rivkah could have easily refused by saying to herself that Eliezer’s saliva may make the water disgusting to drink for the next person who would want to drink. She could have also refused lest Eliezer had an illness. Ignoring those thoughts and offering Eliezer a drink, showed that Rivkah was kindhearted, by giving a drink to a weary traveler. Then, Eliezer purposely left over some water in the jug. He was testing Rivkah to see how she would handle the situation. If she would bring the remaining water to her family, that would show a lack of wisdom. How could she share a stranger’s water with her family, not knowing if Eliezer was healthy or sick? If she would spill out the leftover water to get new water for her family, that would be embarrassing to Eliezer. Rivkah passed all 3 tests. She offered to give water to the camels. That way she did not have to spill out the water. Not only did she offer to give water to the camels, she even offered to give enough water to the camels until their thirst was quenched. She did that as an added sign of respect to Eliezer. In so doing, Eliezer would not think that she had given water to the camels solely to avoid having to bring his leftover water into her house. This way, she wouldn’t be embarrassing Eliezer, and she would be able to give her family clean, fresh water. Rivkah showed kindheartedness, wisdom, and sensitivity to the feelings of another person. Eliezer’s prayers were also answered in that the girl who passed these tests indeed turned out to be a member of Avraham’s family. The total picture proved that Rivkah was the one destined to become Yitzchak’s wife.

In the midst of doing an act of kindness for someone we should be careful not to embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable.

 

 

Parshas Chayei Sara

Please Walk In My Shoes!

“I asked her and said, “Whose daughter are you?’ She replied, ‘The daughter of Besuel, son of Nachor, whom Milkah bore to him.’” I placed the ring on her nose and bracelets on her hands.” (Bereishis 24:47)

After Succos, many travelers had difficulty getting flights leaving Israel to return home, due to the terrible tragedies that occurred in Israel on October 7^th. Some had to travel in roundabout ways, through different countries. One family was returning to London. There were not enough seats on the flight for their entire family. One of their children had to go by himself on a different flight. That child’s family noticed that there was another religious family on their child’s flight. They asked that family if they would watch their child. Of course, they agreed. In London, the customs agent was incredulous that a family had entrusted their child with “strangers”. He was also shocked that this family had accepted the responsibility of a stranger’s child. The couple told him that although they did not know the other people, they were all family. That is, all Jews are family!

 

There is an enormous quantity of items being sent to the Israeli soldiers and to the families that were displaced from their homes. The help that they are receiving from Jews around the world is unbelievable and so heartwarming. Groups are leaving their jobs for a week to bring supplies, to physically help on farms and in stores, to visit the wounded and to give encouragement. Some of the displaced families are living in hotels. Signs were posted to help them: “Who can do their laundry? Who is available to babysit? Who can cook a meal?” Someone who is not Jewish cannot comprehend that we are all one People and that we are there for each other.

 

Our forefather, Avraham, had sent Eliezer, his trusted servant, to find a wife for Yitzchok in Avraham’s hometown of Charan. Rashi (24:42) says that Eliezer miraculously arrived in Charan on the very same day that he left. He had his camels kneel near the well on the outskirts of the city. Eliezer davened to Hashem to speedily send the ideal wife for Yitzchok. Eliezer asked Hashem to clearly show him the prospective bride. The girl who would offer a drink of water to Eliezer and then would offer water to his camels, would be the suitable bride for Yitzchok. Rashi (24:14) explains that these acts would indicate a girl who is exceptionally kind, making her suitable to join the family of Avraham. In the middle of Eliezer’s prayer to Hashem, Rivkah was already at the well. Rabbi Yonoson Eybescheutz zt”l (quoted in Love Your Neighbor by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin) says that the Torah (24:15) emphasizes that Rivkah carried her water pitcher on top of her shoulder to publicize that she had a pitcher available for anyone who needed to borrow it. Eliezer must have noticed this fact. Rashi (24:17) says that Eliezer also noticed that the water of the well miraculously rose-up to “greet” Rivkah. Seeing that miracle, Eliezer ran towards Rivkah. He asked her for a drink. She quickly gave him a drink, exhibiting the beautiful trait of zrizus, fulfilling a mitzvah with quickness. Then she offered to give water to Eliezer’s camels, “until they will have finished drinking” (24:19). That was a unique act of kindness as camels can drink up to 30 gallons of water! Rivkah also performed this mitzvah with quickness. With such a confluence of events, pointing to the fact that Rivkah was the “chosen” bride for Yitzchok, Eliezer was completely confident that Rivkah was indeed the intended bride. Even before confirming her identity, he gave Rivkah golden jewelry that had deep spiritual allusions (see Rashi 24:22). When Rivkah said that she was from Avraham’s family, that confirmed to Eliezer what, in essence, he had already known. The Radak says that at that point, Eliezer bowed to Hashem, showing his gratitude to Hashem for having listened to his prayer.

 

Eliezer went to Rivkah’s house to find lodging. He retold the events of the day to Rivkah’s family, to her father, Besuel, and to her brother, Lavan. He started by telling them of his miraculous, swift journey. Interestingly, Eliezer switched the order of one part of the story. He said that he had asked Rivkah who she was and then he presented her with the jewelry (24:47). Rashi explains Eliezer’s reason for changing the order as he told the story. He did this in order that Besuel and Lavan not catch him by his own words and say, “How could you give her the gifts before you knew who she was!”

 

How do we understand this Rashi? Akeidas Yitzchak (quoted in Artscroll Bereishis) gives one explanation. Eliezer said that he had come on a special mission to Avraham’s family to find a wife for Yitzchok. Had he admitted that he had given the jewelry to Rivkah before knowing to which family she belonged, this would have contradicted his previous assertion, since people do not give away gifts purposelessly.

 

This explanation is a little hard to understand. Wasn’t it obvious from Eliezer’s story that Hashem’s hand was at work? There were so many miracles which clearly indicated that Rivkah was Yitzchok’s intended bride. Even Besuel and Lavan realized that, as they said, “This is from Hashem (24:50).” Rashi explains that they meant, it is evident that the matter is from Hashem since, according to your words, Hashem brought her and you together. So, why did Eliezer feel the need to switch the order of events when he spoke to Besuel and Lavan? Rabbi Alter Henach Leibowitz zt”l (in Chidushei Lev by Rabbi Binyomin Luban) has a beautiful insight to explain this. Had Eliezer retold the story in the correct order, Besuel and Lavan would have thought that Eliezer was a liar. They would not have believed that Eliezer had given the jewelry before she told him who she was. They could not have believed that Eliezer had such trust in Hashem since they, themselves did not put their trust in Hashem! By nature, a person judges others by the level that he, himself, is on and based on his own feelings. Thus, Lavan and Besuel could not have imagined that Eliezer had acted so due to his trust in Hashem, since they did not have that trust themselves!

 

We see a similar idea illustrated in the Talmud (Shabbos 88A). A Saducee told Rava, a Talmudic sage, that the Jewish People acted too hastily, without thinking, when Hashem offered them the Torah. They responded, “We will do, and we will hear”. The Saducee asserted that this was an impetuous response. How can you accept something upon yourselves before knowing what it is that you are accepting? Rava said that the Jews’ response came from their total trust in Hashem. They had seen, firsthand, the miracles that Hashem had performed in Egypt and when Hashem had taken them out of Egypt. Since the Saducee himself did not trust in Hashem, he couldn’t fathom how others could.

 

At times, we judge people negatively, based on our standards and our level of understanding. We cannot be so quick to judge a person unfavorably. Unless we walk in a person’s shoes, we cannot judge them.

 

Parshas Chayei Sarah

Look Deep into your Heart!

 

“I said to my master, Perhaps the woman will not come back with me?” (Bereishis 24:39)

For many years, twice a year a merchant sent an agent to the big fair. At the 1st fair of each year, he would buy a large quantity of merchandise from a particular wholesaler. He bought it on credit and repaid it when he returned for the 2^nd fair. One day, the merchant told the agent that he wanted to buy an exceptionally large amount of goods without ever paying for it. The agent did not want to be dishonest, but he also did not want to anger his employer. When he arrived at the fair he went to the wholesaler and said, “My master has asked me to buy the largest possible quantity of goods I could get from you on credit. I pointed out that I doubted that you would let us do that. I am not even sure that our firm is in the financial position to engage in such a transaction. My employer became quite angry at me when I told that to him.”  After hearing this, the wholesaler refused to sell him any merchandise at all. (The Maggid of Dubna & his Parables by Benno Heinemann)

 

Our forefather Avraham felt that it was time to find a suitable wife for his son, Yitzchak. The woman had to be very special, as she would be the next link in the chain of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs. Avraham sent his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Avraham’s homeland, to find such a woman. Avraham made it clear that he did not want Yitzchak to marry a Canaani woman. Avraham asked Eliezer to swear that he would fulfill his mission faithfully. The Torah (Bereishis 24:5) relates Eliezer’s followup question to Avraham. He wanted to know what to do if, “Perhaps the woman shall not wish to follow me to this land.” The Hebrew word for “perhaps” was written as “אוּלַי”. Eliezer left for his mission, traveling to Aram Naharaim. Hashem performed many miracles to help Eliezer succeed in his task: Eliezer’s travel was unusually quick, and he reached his destination on the same day that he started on his journey (Rashi 24:42). Eliezer had asked Hashem to show him certain signs indicating the right wife for Yitzchak. All those signs happened. When Rivka drew water from the well, it miraculously rose-up to “greet” her (Rabbeinu Bachya 24:16). When Rivka told Eliezer that she was from Avraham’s family, Eliezer knew with certainty that Hashem had led him to Yitzchak’s future wife (Although Eliezer knew that with certainty, even before Rivka confirmed that fact). Eliezer followed Rivka to her house and told her father, Besuel, and her brother, Lavan, the purpose of his mission. He praised Avraham and Yitzchak. Eliezer then added some words that seemed to be unnecessary. He repeated the question that he had asked Avraham about what he should do if, “Perhaps the woman will not follow me.” This time, the Torah spells the Hebrew word as, “אֻלַי”, without the letter vav. Rashi (24:39) says that the word as it is written,

“אֵלַי”, means “to me”. Eliezer also had a daughter of marriageable age. The Torah tells us what Eliezer had hinted to Avraham when he was first sent on his mission. If the woman wouldn’t follow Eliezer, then Avraham should turn “to me” to take my daughter as a wife for Yitzchak.

 

Many of the commentators question why Eliezer chose to repeat his question to Besuel & Lavan.  It was proper to ask Avraham what he should do if, “Perhaps the woman will not follow me”. But what was the point in saying it to Besuel and Lavan?

Rav Ovadia from Bartanura explains that Eliezer said it to help convince Besuel and Lavan to permit Rivka to marry Yitzchak. Eliezer wanted to infer that Yitzchak was so special that Eliezer, himself, wanted Yitzchak as a son-in-law.

The Dubno Maggid, and Rabbi Chaim Soloveitchik zt”l explain that Eliezer wanted his mission to fail! He wanted Besuel and Lavan to refuse to send Rivka, thus opening the way for Eliezer’s own daughter to marry Yitzchak.

Rabbi Chaim Soloveitchik zt”l (quoted in sefer Ituri Torah by Rabbi Aharon Yaakov Greenberg) says that Eliezer’s comment could have caused Besuel and Lavan to wonder why the potential wife would not come. Was it because there was something wrong with Yitzchak?  That concern could have caused them to refuse to send Rivka, thus opening the possibility of Eliezer’s daughter marrying Yitzchak.

The Dubno Maggid (The Maggid of Dubna & his Parables by Benno Heinemann) also asks why Eliezer repeated the comment to Besuel & Lavan. He asks an additional question of why Rashi comments on the second time that Eliezer said it and not when he initially said it to Avraham. The Dubno Maggid concludes that Eliezer did not want his mission to succeed.  By saying this comment, he hoped to influence Rivka’s family to refuse to allow her to marry Yitzchak. Thus, he implied “אֻלַי”, that Avraham would have to turn to Eliezer to ask him to allow his own daughter to marry Yitzchak. The Dubno Maggid illustrated this with the parable that was written in the beginning of the dvar Torah.

 

I find it hard to believe that Eliezer would want his mission to fail. He was Avraham’s trustworthy servant for many years. Avraham even trusted Eliezer to manage all his wealth. Rav Eliyahu Lopian zt”l (Lev Eliyahu on the Torah) says that Eliezer had control of his evil inclination just as Avraham had. He also taught Avraham’s Torah to others. Furthermore, he also swore to Avraham that he would be dedicated to his mission. When Eliezer saw all the miracles that occurred, it should have been obvious that Rivka was the bride that Hashem had chosen. How could such a great person try to sabotage the success of his mission?

 

Perhaps we can understand the explanation of Rabbi Chaim Soloveitchik zt”l and the Dubno Maggid as Rabbi Menachem Mendel from Kotz understands it. The Kotzker Rav zt”l (quoted in Ituri Torah) says that Eliezer was sincere and definitely wanted his mission to succeed. However, subconsciously, he wanted it to fail. Once he saw Rivka and all the miracles that Hashem had performed, Eliezer knew that Hashem had chosen Rivka to be the bride for Yitzchak. That caused Eliezer to think back to his initial conversation with Avraham. It was only now that he recognized what his original subconscious motives were. Rashi says that is why the Torah changed the spelling from “אוּלַי“ to “אֻלַי ” now, because it was only now that Eliezer realized this.

 

When we do an action, we have so many thoughts swirling in our minds and in our subconscious. Are our actions totally pure or do we have other motivations in our subconscious that we don’t even realize? We must analyze our thoughts very carefully so that we serve Hashem properly.