Parshas Korach
The Key To A Happy Relationship!
“And Moshe was much angered, and said to Hashem, ‘Have no regard to their offering. I have not taken one donkey from them, nor have I hurt one of them.’” (Bamidbar 16:15)
The Talmud (Yevamos 63A-63B) relates that Rabbi Chiya’s wife would constantly aggravate him. Nevertheless, he gave her gifts. Whenever he found something that she would appreciate, he would wrap it in his shawl and bring it to her. Rav asked him, “Doesn’t she constantly aggravate you? Why do you bring her things?” Rabbi Chiya answered, “It is enough for us that our wives raise our children and save us from sin (Rashi-from having inappropriate thoughts).” We should therefore show our gratitude to our wives.
Despite the difficulties, since Rabbi Chiya focused on the positive aspects of his wife, it helped maintain a modicum of peace and prevented the situation from getting worse.
The Torah says, “Reuven heard, and delivered him [Yosef] from their hand and said, ‘Let us not smite him mortally.’” (Genesis 37:21) The Midrash Rabba (Bereishis 84:15) quotes the Rabbis who explained that Reuven saved Yosef out of a feeling of gratitude towards him. Reuven had been repenting for a “sin” which he had done. Reuven was concerned lest he would be banished from the shevatim. Yosef had told of his dream in which “Eleven stars prostrated themselves to me.” (Genesis 37:9) That dream inferred that Reuven was still counted among the shevatim. Even though Yosef did not actively do a favor for Reuven, his dream gave Reuven peace of mind. For that, Reuven felt a debt of gratitude. “He enumerates me with my brothers shall I not rescue him?”
Korach was a distinguished person and was well-respected. Korach became jealous when Moshe appointed his cousin to be the Nasi, head of the family of Khas, in his stead. Korach encouraged many to join him in his criticism of Moshe. Korach falsely claimed that the appointment was not directed by Hashem and that Moshe had decided this on his own. In fact, Korach incorrectly claimed that Moshe decided on his own to appoint his brother, Aharon, as the Kohain Gadol. Korach instigated a terrible machlokes, quarrel and rebellion, against Moshe. The argument was so terrible because it went against the authenticity of the Torah and the transmission of the Torah through Moshe! Moshe was angered by Korach’s claim. Moshe told Hashem, “I have not taken one donkey from them, nor have I hurt one of them.” (Bamidbar 16:15)
Sforno explains that Moshe had never even borrowed a donkey when he had been entitled to, when he was acting on behalf of the Jewish People. Moshe’s used his position of authority exclusively for the benefit of the Jewish People and not for his own. Korach’s claim that Moshe was lording over the Jews had no basis! Sforno continues that Moshe told Hashem that Korach and his followers complained against his leadership only because they were ungrateful, denying the good that Moshe had done for them.
Rabbi Shimon Feder (Psychology & Personal Growth in the Torah) asks, if Korach and his followers felt deprived of honors, would their feelings of gratitude towards Moshe have made a difference?
We learn from this Sforno that it WOULD have made a difference! Had Korach and his follower’s felt gratitude towards Moshe, then Korach would have never challenged him!
Gratitude is a key to peaceful relationships! This is an important lesson to understand, in our relationships with coworkers, friends, family, and with spouses. Focusing on the good that they have given us and feeling gratitude towards them will help us refrain from having arguments with them.
Perhaps we can use this idea to explain the Torah Temima (Bamidbar16:7). In trying to curtail the machlokes, Moshe told the Leviim, “You take too much upon you, you sons of Levi.” Moshe addressed himself to the Leviim, to try to dissuade them from joining Korach’s rebellion.
Most commentaries explain that Moshe was admonishing the Leviim that they should not complain since they already had honor above and beyond the rest of the Jewish People. Torah Temima explains it differently. Moshe was telling the Leviim that Hashem had already given them such greatness and honor in being Leviim. Why should they have to look for honor and closeness to Hashem when they already had it? Maybe the deeper explanation of this is that Moshe was telling the Leviim, that they should feel gratitude for what they did have and not feel the need to look for more. Therefore, they should not participate in Korach’s rebellion.
Feeling gratitude is a key to peaceful relationships! Focusing on the good that people have done for us and feeling gratitude towards them will help us refrain from having arguments with them.
