Parshas Chayei Sarah

The Recipe for Happiness During Challenging Times

“And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years. These were the years of the life of Sarah.” (23:1)

All that Hashem does is good. Although we can’t always see it with our own eyes, one day we will understand why certain things had to happen.

Rudolf Vrba worked in the death camp of Auschwitz. He took precise notes of the atrocities that were being done and wanted to escape to prove to the world what was going on. One day, he hid underneath a very large pile of wooden boards, together with his friend, Alfred Wetzler. When their escape was noticed, a massive search broke out. They hid there in panic, not eating and barely sleeping. With just a few hours left until the search would be over, two German soldiers decided to check under their pile of wood. The soldiers began removing the boards. As the soldiers began lifting the last layer of boards, the dinner bell rang. One soldier told the other, “Let’s just finish this first, then we’ll go.” But the other one said, “If we don’t go right now, there won’t be any food left for us.” They left and never came back.

After three full days without food, Rudolph and Alfred were almost too weak to lift the remaining boards that covered them. With one last attempt, they just managed to move them. Miraculously, they escaped. The report they presented on the atrocities that took place in Auschwitz, is credited with saving tens of thousands of Jews from death.

When the two Germans initially removed the layers of wood, it appeared that Rudolph and Alfred would be found and killed. However, had the Germans not removed most of the boards, Rudolph and Alfred certainly would have been too weak to lift the entire pile.  They survived only because the Germans had removed them. (from Daily Emunah by Rabbi David Ashear)

Rashi questions the end of the pasuk, wondering why the Torah repeated, “These were the years of the life of Sarah”. Rashi explains the Torah is teaching us that all the years of Sarah’s life were equally good. Rabbi Naftoli Tzvi Yehudah Berlin zt”l, in his commentary Ha’emek Davar, says that Rashi is telling us Sarah felt joy and happiness all the years of her life.

How can Rashi say that Sarah felt joy and happiness for every moment of her life? Didn’t she suffer throughout her life? She didn’t have a child for the first ninety years of her life. She felt the need to give her maidservant, Hagar to Avraham as a wife, hoping that she would bear him a child. Furthermore, when Hagar became pregnant immediately, she began to act disrespectfully to Sarah. Also, Sarah experienced famine and had to leave Eretz Yisroel. She was taken captive twice, once by Pharaoh and once by Avimelech. Only due to miracles was her purity protected. After she gave birth to Yitzchak, many people doubted that he was genuinely her child. Sarah also had the challenge of sending Yishmael out of her house to prevent him from negatively influencing Yitzchak. Was this this good life that Sarah had experienced?!

Rabbi Naftoli Tzvi Yehudah Berlin zt”l explains, that Sarah had a very strong faith and trust in Hashem. That enabled her to feel joy and happiness for her entire life.

This is a powerful lesson for us. We all experience difficulties and challenges throughout our lives. At times, it may seem as if we are in total darkness and are totally abandoned. In reality, we are not. Hashem loves us immensely and only wants to give us goodness and happiness. What appears as a challenge today, may be the source of our salvation tomorrow.

Parshas Vayera

A Recipe for a Happy Marriage!

“And they [the 3 angels] said to him [Avraham], ‘Where is Sara your wife?’ And he said, ‘She is in the tent’”. Bereishis (18:9) “And Hashem said to Avraham, “Why did Sara laugh, saying ,’Can I in truth bear a child when I am so old’?”

Yosef and Sara were very poor. The only real meal that they ate the entire week was on Shabbos. One Friday night, as Sara was bringing the food to the table she slipped. All the food spilled to the floor and could not be salvaged. Sara was so sad that she stayed on the floor, with her head down, ready to cry. She felt, how could she look at her husband’s face when she just ruined ALL their food.  There was no more food to bring in from the kitchen.  As she sat on the floor, her husband started singing Aishel Chayil (“a Woman of Valor” a special song many husbands sing to their wives on Friday night). Yosef sang the song slowly and with love in his voice. Sara looked up and smiled. Yosef’s reaction could have been to tell his wife to be more careful or even to just show her a sad face. Either reaction would have been a normal response. Yet, either action would have also made Sara feel bad and sad. Instead, Yosef IGNORED what had happened and didn’t even show any displeasure. He changed the uncomfortable moment to one that made his wife feel happy and loved. He built and strengthened their relationship instead of somewhat weakening it. There was something that Yosef and Sara had wanted very much and for which they had davened to Hashem repeatedly. After this incident of inner greatness, Yosef’s prayers were answered.

The three guests asked Avraham where his wife was. Rashi quotes the Talmud as saying that the guests knew where Sara was. They knew that she remained in her tent, due to modesty. If so, why did they ask Avraham where she was? They wanted to emphasize her modesty to Avraham.  They wanted him to feel good about his wife’s modesty and further endear her to him.

Rabbi Henach Leibowitz zt”l pointed out the following. Avraham and Sara had been married for many years.  They already had a close relationship with each other. Yet, the first words the angels said were meant to endear Sara to Avraham even more. How much more could their words have made a difference in Avraham’s relationship with Sara? Especially since Avraham already knew that Sara was a tznua, a very modest woman (see Rashi, perek 12 pasuk 11). We learn from this episode a fundamental principle in the relationship between husband and wife (or in the relationship of any two people who are close to each other). Every positive comment, albeit small, can affect a relationship.  Even a strong, loving relationship can be enhanced by a compliment made about a spouse or to a spouse.

A few p’sukim later Hashem asked Avraham why Sara laughed at the news that she would have a child, saying that she was too old. Rashi quotes the Talmud as saying that Hashem changed her statement for the sake of maintaining peace. Sara had actually said that she was too old, and that Avraham was also too old. When Hashem had repeated her words to Avraham, Hashem left out her words that her husband was also too old. This omission was considered a lack of truth and would have been forbidden if not for the fact that it was said to maintain peace. Rav Henach Leibowitz zt”l, again, pointed out that Avraham and Sara had a very close relationship with each other. Furthermore, obviously Avraham was very old and not likely to beget children. Also, Sara had said, “And my master [Avraham] is old”. She prefaced her comment about Avraham being aged with a term of total respect. Why did Hashem feel it necessary to modify her statement for the sake of maintaining peace? Again, we see a fundamental principle in the relationship between husband and wife. We see the importance of Shalom Bayis, a peaceful relationship. Even if the relationship is excellent, any small comment, even seemingly insignificant, can have an impact. Even such a small comment could have potentially made a tiny impact on the peaceful relationship between Avraham and Sara.  That is why Hashem omitted those words from Sara’s initial statement.

We must be so sensitive to the feelings of others. Even a small, negative comment can hurt another person’s feelings. On the other hand, every smile or compliment can make someone else feel good. Our actions and words make such a difference to others!

Parshas Lech Lecha

Let’s Not Lose Focus of our Goals!

“And when Avram heard that his relative [Lot] was taken captive, he armed his disciples…“ (Bereishis 14:14)

Rabbi Yosef Leib Bloch zt”l, former Rosh Yeshiva of Telz, has a beautiful parable illustrating the importance of focusing our lives on spiritual goals rather than on the accumulation of material wealth.

An Israeli tourist was traveling to America by boat. He carefully prepared for the trip, including buying a map and studying the cities at which the boat would stop on the way. When the tourist realized that he would be stopping in France for a few days, he studied basic French during the two months prior to his trip. Shortly before he left, he remembered that his final destination was America. He had neglected to learn English and now it was too late. When the boat docked in France, he was able to converse in French. He was able to get change and get directions to the hotel. The other passengers were impressed with his cleverness and preparation. However, when the boat reached America, his final destination, the tourist was red-faced with embarrassment. He was totally unprepared. He had prepared for the short stay, in France, but not for the long stay, in America. (based on a story in Rabbi Paysach Krohn’s book, The Maggid Speaks)

In Sefer Bereishis, there was a battle between four kings and five kings. The four kings were so powerful that they were victorious over the larger army of the five kings.  They even defeated giants. During that battle, they captured Avram’s nephew, Lot.

When Avram was informed, he rushed to save Lot. Avram went despite the fact that he was going to battle against the most powerful army of that time. He also went despite the fact that the army he was going to fight against was more numerous than his group. He went to battle along with 318 of his servants who grew up in his household (The Talmud, Nedarim 32B, says that only he and his servant Eliezer went to battle).

 According to Shmuel’s opinion in the Talmud (Nedarim 32B), before they left Avram showered his servants with lots of gold. Why did Avram do so? He didn’t want his servants to get distracted by the money from the spoils of battle. That would distract them from their mission of saving Lot’s life (see also Tosefos in Chulin 47B).

Rabbi Henach Leibowitz zt”l questioned why it was necessary for Avram to shower his servants with such wealth. They were ready to go to battle selflessly, risking their lives against enormous odds.  They grew up in Avram’s house and under his tutelage. They clearly understood that their goal was to save a life, and that time was of the essence. Every second of delay could mean the difference between life and death for Lot. Could the lure of money actually distract them and delay them from their lofty goal? The answer is yes! A person can get distracted, even momentarily and even from a life-saving mission. That is why Avram had to enrich them before they left.

Rav Yisroel Salanter was once in Paris. When asked why he was there, he responded in a way to teach a lesson. He said that he came from Vilna to Paris in order to have a button fixed on his coat. The questioner was amazed. You came so far just to fix a button? Rav Yisroel wondered why he sounded so surprised. Our souls came from a much further distance (from the heavens). Did it come so far for the sole purpose of being involved in insignificant matters, such as the pursuit of wealth and pleasure?

Why were we born and put on this world? Was it towards the goal of increasing wealth and pleasure? Or was it to learn Torah and perform mitzvos? Have we gotten distracted from our final destination (the World to Come) by focusing only on our temporary stopover (this world)?

Parshas Vayechi

YOU Did It, Now YOU Fix It!

“And Yaakov’s days were drawing near to death and he called his son Yosef and said to him, ‘…Do not bury me in Egypt.’” (Bereishis 47:29)

As Yaakov’s end was drawing near, he asked Yosef to bury his body in the Land of Israel.

Why did Yaakov specifically ask Yosef instead of asking all his sons?

Rashi answers that since Yosef was in a position of authority in Egypt, he had the ability to fulfill Yaakov’s request.

Abarbanel quotes the Midrash as saying, “a very beautiful reason”. The Midrash explains, Yosef was the one who sent for his father to come to Egypt and Yosef aided his coming. Yaakov commanded Yosef to return him to the place where he took him from. “It was as if Yaakov said, since you brought me here from the Land of Israel it is appropriate that you return my body there, after I die.”

It seems that the Midrash is saying that it was proper derech eretz (conduct), it was the right thing for Yosef, himself, to be the one to ensure that Yaakov’s body be returned where it came from.

Having derech eretz precedes learning Torah.

Moshe Rabainu asked the Jewish People if they would be willing to accept the Torah. They replied, certainly we will. Moshe reported their answer to Hashem. Hashem knows all-Why did Moshe have to report the answer if Hashem already knew it? Moshe was teaching a lesson in derech eretz. If someone sends you on a mission it is appropriate to report back to them, even if you are aware that they already know the answer.

Rav Yisroel Salanter (founder of the modern mussar movement) was invited to his student’s house for Shabbos. He asked the student to describe what his Shabbos meal was like. The student described the lengthy meal that was punctuated with much singing and many words of Torah. Rabbi Yisroel gave the student an unhappy look. At the Shabbos table, Rabbi Yisroel had a quick meal and said the grace after meals. The student was perplexed, wondering why Rabbi Yisroel did this. He followed Rabbi Yisroel as he entered the kitchen. The Jewish maid in the kitchen thanked Rabbi Yisroel and told him that she wished he would come every Shabbos. Apparently, she had to work very hard the entire Friday to prepare the house for Shabbos. The meal would last so long that she would be exhausted when she came home. She was so happy that this Friday night the meal ended much earlier. Rav Yisroel exhibited proper conduct. He sacrificed the additional holiness of much singing and words of Torah for the feelings and sensitivities of another person.

We always must consider the feelings and sensitivities of others who may be affected by our actions.

Parshas Vayigash

“Hold your Horses” on Those Wagons!

“And Yaakov left Be’er Sheva and his sons carried him… in the wagons which Pharaoh had sent to carry him.” (Bereishis 46:5)

In a previous parsha, Yaakov had exhibited a high level of honesty when he watched Lavan’s animals. Lavan had changed the details of Yaakov’s wages 10,000 times. Yet Yaakov continued to watch Lavan’s flocks as carefully as he could. He didn’t rationalize that if this is how my employer treated me then I don’t have to do my job carefully.

Here too, Yaakov teaches us the level of honesty that we must strive to follow. Pharaoh gave Yosef wagons to send back to the Land of Israel to transport Yaakov and his family to Egypt. Yaakov and his family travelled to Be’er Sheva. The pasuk does not mention Yaakov’s mode of transportation. Only after Yaakov left Be’er Sheva to go down to Egypt does the pasuk mention that Yaakov travelled in the wagons that Pharaoh had sent. Apparently, Yaakov did NOT use the wagons on the first part of his journey. Why didn’t he?

Rav Yehoshua Leib Diskin explained this beautifully. On his way to Be’er Sheva, Yaakov was not certain that he was going to go to Egypt. He was concerned about the bad influence that the Egyptians would have on his descendants. Yaakov felt that if he would not be going to Egypt it wouldn’t be appropriate to use Pharaoh’s wagons on the first part of his journey. After all, they were sent only for the express purpose of enabling him to travel to Egypt. When Yaakov arrived in Be’er Sheva, Hashem appeared to him and told him not to worry and that he should go to Egypt. Once Hashem told Yaakov to go, he used Pharaoh’s wagons to transport his family. As soon as Yaakov was certain that he would be going to Egypt it was appropriate to use Pharaoh’s wagons.

When Rabbi Yaakov Kaminetsky was a student, the custom was to eat meals in other people’s homes. One Pesach, he received an invitation. The problem was that he was not certain he could rely on that person’s level of kashrus for Pesach. It was a delicate situation. He didn’t want to go yet he also didn’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. He thought of a great idea. He explained to his prospective host that his custom was not to eat gebrokts whereas this host did eat gebrokts (some people have the custom on Pesach not to wet their matza. For example, they don’t put their matzah in soup or eating matzo balls). His plan succeeded, and he did not hurt his host’s feelings. However, since Rabbi Kaminetsky had declared this as his custom, he adopted the custom for the rest of his life! From that point on and no longer ate gebrokts on Pesach.

Acting with honesty is more than just a nice thing to do; it is obligatory!

Parshas Mikeitz

He Already Had the Needle in His Arm!

“Then Pharaoh sent and called Yosef and they quickly brought him out of the dungeon… and he came to Pharaoh.” (Bereishis 41:14)

When Pharaoh heard that Yosef could interpret dreams, he sent for Yosef. Yosef was quickly taken from prison and led before Pharaoh. The Chofetz Chaim notes that when the time came for Yosef to be freed, he wasn’t freed slowly. The pasuk does not say that Yosef was taken out of prison. Rather, he was rushed-out, very quickly. When the time that was determined by Hashem for Yosef‘s freedom came, not one moment was lost; Yosef was freed instantaneously. He didn’t remain in prison even one second longer than necessary.

The same thing happened when the Jew left Egypt. Once the decree had ended, Hashem didn’t want the Jews to remain in Egypt for one extra second.

In a similar vein, when the time for the Final Redemption comes, we will be redeemed immediately, without even a one second delay. We will be “rushed out” of exile just as Yosef was “rushed out of prison”.

This is an important outlook to be aware of in our daily lives. We must never despair a difficult situation. We should always feel encouraged that a stressful situation can change for the better in an instant, in the blink of an eye.

On Oct. 4, 1983, in a state prison in Huntsville, Texas, it looked as if James David Autry was about to die. He had been sentenced to death for a 1980 double murder.

That morning, Autry awoke before dawn to begin the ritual of execution. He was handcuffed, placed in the warden’s car and driven 13 miles away to another prison in Huntsville. Then, at about midnight, after a last meal, he was strapped onto a stretcher, and a needle was inserted into his arm. Prison officers waited for the order to administer a deadly dose of chemicals. How do you think Autry felt, knowing he was minutes or just seconds away from death?

Yet, about 30 minutes later, the prison officers received a phone call, informing them that the U.S. Supreme Court had stayed Autry’s execution for 30 days. He was temporarily given a new lease on life.

Our rabbis tell us that even if a sword is resting upon our necks and all seems hopeless, we must never give up. We must continue to have faith and trust in Hashem. The entire picture can change in a moment.

Parshas Vayeshev

Remove the Blindfold and Feel the Love!

“… a caravan of Ishmaelites came from Gilad, with their camels carrying spices …going to bring them down to Egypt…” (Bereishis 37:25)

One of the Indian tribes had a specific ritual of manhood. When a young boy would pass the “test” he would be considered a Man and would receive certain benefits as well as responsibilities. The “test” was to remain alone in the forest, blindfolded, while sitting on a tree stump. If the young man would leave the forest or remove the blindfold, he failed the test. The young man was not allowed to tell any specific details of the test to anyone!

One youngster was in the middle of his test. The forest was cold. The sounds of the animals nearby, scared him. They scared him a lot. However, he wanted to be considered a man, so he fought off the urge to remove his blindfold. Somehow, he managed to pass the night. When he felt the heat of the sun on his face and heard the sounds of the chirping birds, he knew that it was morning. He felt proud that he passed the test. When he removed the blind-fold he was shocked. He saw that his father was sitting nearby. Apparently, his father had been there the entire night, watching so that no harm befalls his son.

Hashem is like the loving father in this story. Even though we may not be aware of it, Hashem is always watching us, to protect us.

There is a beautiful poem called Footprints in the Sand:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with G-D. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to G-D,

“You promised me G-d, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

G-d replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

We all experience periods of suffering and anguish in our lives. Knowing that Hashem is always watching over us is comforting and can help us rise to life’s challenges [Hashem, our loving Father, has a good and loving reason, unknown to us, for the suffering and challenges that we experience in life].

Sometimes Hashem also sends us signals that He is there with us so that we shouldn’t be nervous. Yosef was sold to a caravan of Ishmaelites. Their camels were carrying various nice smelling spices.

Rashi questions why the Torah felt it necessary to tell us what the camels were carrying. Who cares? Rashi explains that these caravans usually carried oil and resin that had an unpleasant odor. Being around that smell for an extended time could be injurious to Yosef’s health as well as be uncomfortable for him.

Yosef was being sold as a slave. Why would it make a difference what the camels were carrying? Rabbi Mordechai Porgaminsky from Telz explained that this was a signal from Hashem to Yosef. It was as if Hashem was telling him, you were sold as a slave, but I, Hashem, am watching you and helping you along the way. I made sure that these Ishmaelites would carry something they never do, to protect your health.

We should always look for signals from Hashem. Our sorrows and troubles in life will be easier to manage when we realize that Hashem is always with us, holding our hand.

Parshas Vayishlach

Our Not So Secret Weapon for Victory

“And Yaakov was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until dawn.” (Bereishis 32:25)

In this week’s Parsha, we have the famous wrestling match between Yaakov and a stranger. Rashi says that this stranger was the guardian angel of Esav. Each nation has its “guardian angel” and this was Esav’s angel. The commentaries also explain that the guardian angel of Esav is the same as Satan and the Evil Inclination – They are all ONE and attempt to turn us away from serving Hashem.

The Chofetz Chaim poses a very interesting question. Why did Esav’s guardian angel wait so long before his attack; Why didn’t he fight against Avraham or Yitzchok? Why did he first attack Yaakov?

The Chofetz Chaim says, we know that Avraham was the pillar of chesed, of kindness. Yitzchok was the pillar of service to Hashem. Yaakov was the pillar of Torah. Satan could tolerate the kindness of Avraham and the service to Hashem of Yitzchok. However, Yaakov ‘s Torah could not be tolerated. Yaakov had to be attacked to fight this terrible threat to Satan.

We are all aware of the importance of chesed and service to Hashem. We see from the Chofetz Chaim, the vital importance of learning Torah. It is our Torah learning that combats and counteracts Satan’s attempts to drag us down, spiritually. When we strengthen our Torah learning we weaken Satan.

During the Roman control of the Land of Israel, they forbade the performance of many mitzvos. They outlawed the teaching and learning of Torah. Rabbi Akiva ignored the edict. He was eventually caught and tortured to death. When his students asked him to stop his Torah learning, he told them a parable. A fox was sitting by the seashore, observing the fish swimming to and fro. He asked the fish what they were doing. They replied that they were swimming in different directions to escape the fishermen’s nets. The crafty fox told them to come to dry land where they will be saved from the nets. The fish laughed at the fox’s silly idea saying that if we come ashore we will certainly die. We must be in the water to live. We will just keep trying to avoid the fishermen’s nets. Rabbi Akiva said that just as fish need water to live, so too do Jews need Torah to live. Torah is our source of life.

We should all try to increase our Torah learning as much as we can.
That will bring us closer to Hashem and will weaken our adversary and enemy, Satan.