Parshas Miketz

First Impressions are Lasting Impressions!

“And there, with us, was a Hebrew youth, a slave of the Captain of the Guard…”. (41:12)

Whether it’s a job interview or a first date, first impressions are always important. This is also true in the courtroom.

At his September 2007 arraignment on murder charges, Kenneth Kline sported a Mohawk hairstyle, a mustache, a black T-shirt and jeans. He personified arrogance and defiance. When Kline appeared at his Berks County murder trial 14 months later, his hair was short and even, his mustache and brash attitude were gone, and his attire was stylish suits and ties. That’s because his attorney knew that the appearance of a client can sway a jury. (Dressing Defendants for Success in the Courtroom by Kevin Amerman)

Pharaoh awoke after having dreamed two disturbing dreams. All his wise men were unable to interpret the dreams to his satisfaction. Seeing Pharaoh’s agitation, the butler spoke up. He told Pharaoh that while he was in jail, he, too, had a troubling dream which was correctly interpreted by a Jewish youth. Perhaps that Jewish youth could also interpret Pharaoh’s dream. The butler told Pharaoh, “And there, with us, was a Hebrew youth, a slave of the Captain of the Guard…”. Rashi comments on the words that the butler used to convey his message. Rashi says, “Cursed be the wicked for the favors they do are never really complete! The butler mentions Yosef in disparaging language. ‘A youth’ – A fool, not fit for greatness. ‘A Hebrew’ – He doesn’t even know our language. ‘A slave’ – It is written in the laws of Egypt that a slave may neither become a ruler nor dress in princely robes”.

Rabbi Pesach Eliyahu Falk, a posek in Gateshead (in his sefer Shailos Uteshovos Machaze Eliyahu, as quoted by sefer Yalkut Lekach Tov by Yaakov Yisroel Beyfus), is baffled by the actions of the butler. He questioned how the butler could be so daring as to lie to Pharaoh. How could the butler say that Yosef was an incapable fool when he knew firsthand that Yosef was very wise and very capable? How would Pharaoh react when he realized how the butler had lied? Rabbi Falk gives a very insightful answer. The butler never actually said that Yosef was a fool. He merely said that Yosef was a youth, a Hebrew, and a slave, which were all true. However, the inference of the word youth, is that the person is a fool [Remember that Yosef was not a youngster. He was already an adult. Clearly referring to him as youth was inferring something negative about him]. The inference of the descriptive that someone was a slave was that he was not educated. Thus, the butler protected himself by saying truthful words. However, the usage of his words gave the listener the impression that Yosef was uneducated and incapable. The evil butler purposely gave the false impression that Yosef did not deserve to have his status elevated by interpreting Pharaoh’s dream.

Our first impression of a person stays with us. Thus, even after Pharaoh would see how wise Yosef really was, he would still believe, in his heart, that Yosef was a fool. This was the plan of the evil butler.

Our first impression of people becomes deeply engraved in our hearts and is very hard to uproot. This is one of the terrible harms caused by loshon hara, slanderous speech. Even after a person defends himself and proves that what was said about him is untrue, the original impression of him remains. Sefer Tehillim (Book of Psalms) compares the words of loshon hara to hot coals of broom – wood that remain burning for a long time. The Midrash (Braishis 98:19) brings a story of this type of coal burning for a full year! The Alshich illustrates the long-term damage of loshon hara with an example. Someone once lied and said that a certain person was lazy. The person showed no trait of laziness. In fact, the opposite was true. He actually was very industrious! Yet, if he would slacken in his efforts and appear lazy even one time ten years later, people would remember the lies and think that he was a lazy person. The thought that had been lying dormant for years would re-surface in peoples’ mind as if he actually was lazy. This is the terrible result of loshon hara.

We must always strive to make a good impression of ourselves. We also must be careful when speaking, not to create a bad impression of others. First impressions can be “lasting impressions”.

Parshas Vayeshev

Take the Rowboat! It was Sent by Hashem

“The chief butler did not remember Yosef ….” (40:23)

There is a famous story that teaches an important lesson.

A man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted that Hashem would rescue him. A neighbor came by in a rowboat and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.” “No thanks” replied the man. “I’ve prayed to Hashem and I am sure that He will save me.” A short time later the police came by in a motorboat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.” “No thanks” replied the man. “I’ve prayed to Hashem and I am sure that He will save me.” A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.” “No thanks” replied the man. “I’ve prayed to Hashem and I am sure that He will save me.” All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the man drowned. When he arrived in heaven, he asked, “Hashem, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for You to save me. I trusted You to save me from that flood.” “Yes, you did” replied Hashem. “And I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat and a helicopter. But you never got in.” This man was waiting for Hashem to save him.  He did not put in any effort to save himself.

In every situation in life, we have an obligation to try our best to succeed. Although we are required to try the best we can, we must realize that our efforts won’t change the outcome. We will succeed only if Hashem wants us to. Yaakov sent Yosef to check on his brothers. Yosef couldn’t find them and was going to return to Yaakov, unable to complete his mission.  However, Hashem had other plans.  Hashem wanted Yosef to succeed in finding his brothers. Therefore, Hashem sent the angel Gavriel to tell Yosef where his brothers were. Hashem set into motion a chain of events that would eventually bring the Jewish People to Egypt.  Initially, Yosef ‘s efforts failed but Hashem caused him to succeed in his mission. Alternatively, there are times that we put in our best efforts and succeed beyond our wildest dreams. We must realize that our efforts did not cause our success. Although we have an obligation of hishtadlus, of trying our best, our success is only due to Hashem.

Yosef was falsely accused of a crime and was put into prison. Later, the King’s butler and baker were also put into prison. One morning, Yosef questioned the troubled looks that he noticed on their faces. They were both disturbed by their dreams. Yosef explained the meaning of their dreams. He told the butler that Pharaoh was going to free him in three days. Yosef asked the butler to please put in a good word for him to Pharaoh, as he was put into prison on false pretenses. The butler was freed but totally forgot about Yosef’s kindness and did not say anything to Pharaoh on his behalf.

Rashi says that Yosef was punished by being confined in prison for two extra years because he asked the butler for help.

Why was Yosef punished? Wasn’t he merely following his obligation of putting in the effort on his own and not just relying on Hashem?

There are many different answers to this question.  Yosef was on a very high level of having faith in Hashem. However, he erred slightly. Rashi says that Yosef erred in relying on help from an arrogant rasha. That wasn’t proper hishtadlus. In a similar vein, the Chazon Ish, Rabbi Avrohom Yishayahu Karelitz (as quoted in sefer Talelei Oros), explains why Yosef’s efforts were improper. One is obligated to put in efforts that have a reasonable chance of success. Acts of desperation are unacceptable efforts because they show a lack of faith in Hashem. Turning to the haughty butler was considered an act of desperation, for the haughty are unlikely to come to the aid of those less fortunate than they. Therefore, Yosef was punished.

Hashem requires us to put in our effort. However, we should never arrogantly feel that our effort led to our success. Our success, as well as anything that happens, is totally dependent upon Hashem.

Parshas Vayishlach

Follow the Camels!

“Thirty nursing camels with their colts; forty cows and ten bulls,…” (32:16)

The following story was said over in the name of Rebbetzin Kanievsky.

A girl in Haifa had been diagnosed with stomach cancer. The doctors said that there was nothing more they could do to help her. The girl and her parents pleaded with the doctors to try. The doctors finally agreed and told her to come back the next day for surgery. She was assigned a young, inexperienced surgeon. The doctors felt it would be good practice for him, and since there was nothing that could help her, it didn’t really matter.

The night before the surgery, this non-religious girl pleaded with Hashem. She said that she wanted to offer a korban to Hashem. She went to her closet and took out all her immodest clothing and took it out to the yard and burned them. As her clothes went up in flames, she cried out, “This is my korban!”

The next day the girl went to the hospital and had the surgery. The tumor was easily removed, and it was benign. The doctors were shocked at the outcome.

Why did she merit a miracle?  Was it because of her heartfelt prayers or her difficult and personal sacrifice to get rid of her immodest clothing? 

The miracle didn’t end here. When the girl told all her non-religious friends about the miracle, they brought over all their immodest clothing and made another fire to burn their clothes. The girls went to the mall to buy new clothes. While they were inside, buying new, modest clothing, a car packed with over 200 pounds of explosives was detected,

underneath the mall. The explosives were defused before anyone inside the mall got hurt.  Was it merely a coincidence that the terrorist’s car was detected or was it a reward because of the girls’ sacrifice to wear modest clothing?

In this parsha, Yaakov sent as a present, droves of animals to appease Esau. Each species had the appropriate number of males and females to properly breed. The psukim describe the numbers of females and males of each species that was sent. However, when it lists the number of camels, the Torah conspicuously does not mention the males. Why not? Rashi says the reason is because the camels show tzinus, modesty, when they mate. The Midrash Lekach Tov (written by Tobias ben Eliezer in the 11th Century) explains that unlike other animals, camels will not mate in front of people. Therefore, the Torah lists the gift of camels in a modest way. It lists the number of females, only inferring the number of male camels. That was done to acknowledge the camel’s own modest behavior.

Acting with tznius is a hallmark of a Jew. As we see in the story above, it can bring blessings into our lives.

Parshas Toldos

Can We Bottle This Fragrance?

“…and he [Yitzchak] smelled the fragrance of his [Yaakov’s] garments and blessed him.” (Bereishis 27:27)

As Yitzchak felt he was nearing death, he wanted to bless his firstborn son, Esau. Yitzchak was unaware that Yaakov had previously purchased the rights of the firstborn from Esau, whose revolting behavior made him undeserving of the blessings. Yitzchak’s wife, Rivka, had received a prophecy from Hashem that Yaakov was the one who deserved the brachos. She commanded Yaakov to go in Esau’s place to receive the brachos. She prepared a meal for Yaakov to bring to Yitzchak. She also told Yaakov to wear goat skins on his arms so that they would appear as if they were full of hair, as Esau was very hairy.

Rashi says that the smell of washed goatskins is very repulsive. How can the pasuk tell us that Yitzchak smelled a beautiful fragrance? Rashi answers that the smell of Gan Eden entered with Yaakov and that is what Yitzchak smelled.

The Midrash gives a beautiful explanation. Instead of reading the word as begadav, garments, it can be read as bogdav, those Jews who rebelled against or betrayed Hashem. It was this special fragrance that Yitzchak smelled.

How could a beautiful smell come from the deeds of those who rebelled against Hashem? The Midrash continues, giving a specific example. During the Roman destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash, there was a Jew by the name of Yosef Me’shisa, who collaborated with the Romans. After the destruction, the Romans wanted a Jew to be the first to enter the Beis Hamikdash to plunder the holy vessels. They asked Yosef and offered him that he could keep whatever he selects. Yosef did so and exited with the golden menorah. When the Romans saw the beautiful menorah, they told Yosef that this item was too special for him and that he couldn’t keep it. They told him to go back inside and take something else. Surprisingly, Yosef refused to go in a second time. A transformation had come over him. The Romans offered to give him three years of royal taxes if he would go in again. Yosef refused saying, “Is it not enough that I have angered my G-D once that I should now anger Him a second time?” The Romans then tortured Yosef to death. As he was dying, he cried out, “Woe is to me that I have angered my Creator!” Yosef died, doing complete repentance.

Rabbi Henach Leibowitz zt’l questioned what brought about such a dramatic change in Yosef. One moment he was collaborating with the enemy and the next moment he willingly gave up his life rather than anger Hashem again. The answer is the “pintle neshama” that every Jew has. Every Jew has a spark of holiness within him that could ignite at any moment. Even the lowest Jew has that spark of holiness within him. That spark can be ignited and uplift even a traitorous Jew into one who is willing to sanctify his life for Hashem.

This was the beautiful fragrance that Yitzchak smelled. The inherent beauty of every Jew to go from the lowest of the low to scale great heights.

Every Jew has within him a spark of holiness that can never be extinguished. One should never give-up hope on any Jew, no matter how low he has fallen. Even the biggest sinner can suddenly rise to the greatest heights in an instant, seemingly without any explicable reason.

Parshas Chayei Sarah

The Recipe for Happiness During Challenging Times

“And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years. These were the years of the life of Sarah.” (23:1)

All that Hashem does is good. Although we can’t always see it with our own eyes, one day we will understand why certain things had to happen.

Rudolf Vrba worked in the death camp of Auschwitz. He took precise notes of the atrocities that were being done and wanted to escape to prove to the world what was going on. One day, he hid underneath a very large pile of wooden boards, together with his friend, Alfred Wetzler. When their escape was noticed, a massive search broke out. They hid there in panic, not eating and barely sleeping. With just a few hours left until the search would be over, two German soldiers decided to check under their pile of wood. The soldiers began removing the boards. As the soldiers began lifting the last layer of boards, the dinner bell rang. One soldier told the other, “Let’s just finish this first, then we’ll go.” But the other one said, “If we don’t go right now, there won’t be any food left for us.” They left and never came back.

After three full days without food, Rudolph and Alfred were almost too weak to lift the remaining boards that covered them. With one last attempt, they just managed to move them. Miraculously, they escaped. The report they presented on the atrocities that took place in Auschwitz, is credited with saving tens of thousands of Jews from death.

When the two Germans initially removed the layers of wood, it appeared that Rudolph and Alfred would be found and killed. However, had the Germans not removed most of the boards, Rudolph and Alfred certainly would have been too weak to lift the entire pile.  They survived only because the Germans had removed them. (from Daily Emunah by Rabbi David Ashear)

Rashi questions the end of the pasuk, wondering why the Torah repeated, “These were the years of the life of Sarah”. Rashi explains the Torah is teaching us that all the years of Sarah’s life were equally good. Rabbi Naftoli Tzvi Yehudah Berlin zt”l, in his commentary Ha’emek Davar, says that Rashi is telling us Sarah felt joy and happiness all the years of her life.

How can Rashi say that Sarah felt joy and happiness for every moment of her life? Didn’t she suffer throughout her life? She didn’t have a child for the first ninety years of her life. She felt the need to give her maidservant, Hagar to Avraham as a wife, hoping that she would bear him a child. Furthermore, when Hagar became pregnant immediately, she began to act disrespectfully to Sarah. Also, Sarah experienced famine and had to leave Eretz Yisroel. She was taken captive twice, once by Pharaoh and once by Avimelech. Only due to miracles was her purity protected. After she gave birth to Yitzchak, many people doubted that he was genuinely her child. Sarah also had the challenge of sending Yishmael out of her house to prevent him from negatively influencing Yitzchak. Was this this good life that Sarah had experienced?!

Rabbi Naftoli Tzvi Yehudah Berlin zt”l explains, that Sarah had a very strong faith and trust in Hashem. That enabled her to feel joy and happiness for her entire life.

This is a powerful lesson for us. We all experience difficulties and challenges throughout our lives. At times, it may seem as if we are in total darkness and are totally abandoned. In reality, we are not. Hashem loves us immensely and only wants to give us goodness and happiness. What appears as a challenge today, may be the source of our salvation tomorrow.

Parshas Vayera

A Recipe for a Happy Marriage!

“And they [the 3 angels] said to him [Avraham], ‘Where is Sara your wife?’ And he said, ‘She is in the tent’”. Bereishis (18:9) “And Hashem said to Avraham, “Why did Sara laugh, saying ,’Can I in truth bear a child when I am so old’?”

Yosef and Sara were very poor. The only real meal that they ate the entire week was on Shabbos. One Friday night, as Sara was bringing the food to the table she slipped. All the food spilled to the floor and could not be salvaged. Sara was so sad that she stayed on the floor, with her head down, ready to cry. She felt, how could she look at her husband’s face when she just ruined ALL their food.  There was no more food to bring in from the kitchen.  As she sat on the floor, her husband started singing Aishel Chayil (“a Woman of Valor” a special song many husbands sing to their wives on Friday night). Yosef sang the song slowly and with love in his voice. Sara looked up and smiled. Yosef’s reaction could have been to tell his wife to be more careful or even to just show her a sad face. Either reaction would have been a normal response. Yet, either action would have also made Sara feel bad and sad. Instead, Yosef IGNORED what had happened and didn’t even show any displeasure. He changed the uncomfortable moment to one that made his wife feel happy and loved. He built and strengthened their relationship instead of somewhat weakening it. There was something that Yosef and Sara had wanted very much and for which they had davened to Hashem repeatedly. After this incident of inner greatness, Yosef’s prayers were answered.

The three guests asked Avraham where his wife was. Rashi quotes the Talmud as saying that the guests knew where Sara was. They knew that she remained in her tent, due to modesty. If so, why did they ask Avraham where she was? They wanted to emphasize her modesty to Avraham.  They wanted him to feel good about his wife’s modesty and further endear her to him.

Rabbi Henach Leibowitz zt”l pointed out the following. Avraham and Sara had been married for many years.  They already had a close relationship with each other. Yet, the first words the angels said were meant to endear Sara to Avraham even more. How much more could their words have made a difference in Avraham’s relationship with Sara? Especially since Avraham already knew that Sara was a tznua, a very modest woman (see Rashi, perek 12 pasuk 11). We learn from this episode a fundamental principle in the relationship between husband and wife (or in the relationship of any two people who are close to each other). Every positive comment, albeit small, can affect a relationship.  Even a strong, loving relationship can be enhanced by a compliment made about a spouse or to a spouse.

A few p’sukim later Hashem asked Avraham why Sara laughed at the news that she would have a child, saying that she was too old. Rashi quotes the Talmud as saying that Hashem changed her statement for the sake of maintaining peace. Sara had actually said that she was too old, and that Avraham was also too old. When Hashem had repeated her words to Avraham, Hashem left out her words that her husband was also too old. This omission was considered a lack of truth and would have been forbidden if not for the fact that it was said to maintain peace. Rav Henach Leibowitz zt”l, again, pointed out that Avraham and Sara had a very close relationship with each other. Furthermore, obviously Avraham was very old and not likely to beget children. Also, Sara had said, “And my master [Avraham] is old”. She prefaced her comment about Avraham being aged with a term of total respect. Why did Hashem feel it necessary to modify her statement for the sake of maintaining peace? Again, we see a fundamental principle in the relationship between husband and wife. We see the importance of Shalom Bayis, a peaceful relationship. Even if the relationship is excellent, any small comment, even seemingly insignificant, can have an impact. Even such a small comment could have potentially made a tiny impact on the peaceful relationship between Avraham and Sara.  That is why Hashem omitted those words from Sara’s initial statement.

We must be so sensitive to the feelings of others. Even a small, negative comment can hurt another person’s feelings. On the other hand, every smile or compliment can make someone else feel good. Our actions and words make such a difference to others!

Parshas Lech Lecha

Let’s Not Lose Focus of our Goals!

“And when Avram heard that his relative [Lot] was taken captive, he armed his disciples…“ (Bereishis 14:14)

Rabbi Yosef Leib Bloch zt”l, former Rosh Yeshiva of Telz, has a beautiful parable illustrating the importance of focusing our lives on spiritual goals rather than on the accumulation of material wealth.

An Israeli tourist was traveling to America by boat. He carefully prepared for the trip, including buying a map and studying the cities at which the boat would stop on the way. When the tourist realized that he would be stopping in France for a few days, he studied basic French during the two months prior to his trip. Shortly before he left, he remembered that his final destination was America. He had neglected to learn English and now it was too late. When the boat docked in France, he was able to converse in French. He was able to get change and get directions to the hotel. The other passengers were impressed with his cleverness and preparation. However, when the boat reached America, his final destination, the tourist was red-faced with embarrassment. He was totally unprepared. He had prepared for the short stay, in France, but not for the long stay, in America. (based on a story in Rabbi Paysach Krohn’s book, The Maggid Speaks)

In Sefer Bereishis, there was a battle between four kings and five kings. The four kings were so powerful that they were victorious over the larger army of the five kings.  They even defeated giants. During that battle, they captured Avram’s nephew, Lot.

When Avram was informed, he rushed to save Lot. Avram went despite the fact that he was going to battle against the most powerful army of that time. He also went despite the fact that the army he was going to fight against was more numerous than his group. He went to battle along with 318 of his servants who grew up in his household (The Talmud, Nedarim 32B, says that only he and his servant Eliezer went to battle).

 According to Shmuel’s opinion in the Talmud (Nedarim 32B), before they left Avram showered his servants with lots of gold. Why did Avram do so? He didn’t want his servants to get distracted by the money from the spoils of battle. That would distract them from their mission of saving Lot’s life (see also Tosefos in Chulin 47B).

Rabbi Henach Leibowitz zt”l questioned why it was necessary for Avram to shower his servants with such wealth. They were ready to go to battle selflessly, risking their lives against enormous odds.  They grew up in Avram’s house and under his tutelage. They clearly understood that their goal was to save a life, and that time was of the essence. Every second of delay could mean the difference between life and death for Lot. Could the lure of money actually distract them and delay them from their lofty goal? The answer is yes! A person can get distracted, even momentarily and even from a life-saving mission. That is why Avram had to enrich them before they left.

Rav Yisroel Salanter was once in Paris. When asked why he was there, he responded in a way to teach a lesson. He said that he came from Vilna to Paris in order to have a button fixed on his coat. The questioner was amazed. You came so far just to fix a button? Rav Yisroel wondered why he sounded so surprised. Our souls came from a much further distance (from the heavens). Did it come so far for the sole purpose of being involved in insignificant matters, such as the pursuit of wealth and pleasure?

Why were we born and put on this world? Was it towards the goal of increasing wealth and pleasure? Or was it to learn Torah and perform mitzvos? Have we gotten distracted from our final destination (the World to Come) by focusing only on our temporary stopover (this world)?