Parshas Chukas-Balak

Be Happy With What You Have While You Have It!

“All the Jewish People arrived at the wilderness of Tzin…. Miriam died there and was buried there…” (Bamidbar 20: 1,2)

Reuven and Sara Shapiro were brother and sister.  Reuven was 11 years old and Sara was 9. Early one morning they were awakened by the sound of their doorbell ringing. They ran to their bedroom window to see who was at the door. A truck driver looked up and told them that he had a delivery for them. Reuven and Sara noticed that his truck had huge pictures of cookies and doughnuts on it. They ran down and opened the door. [When I tell this story at JEP Shabbatons, I always warn the children that in real life, they should never open their door for a stranger]. The driver returned to his truck and brought in boxes and boxes, which he put down in the living room. Reuven and Sara started opening the boxes. They could not believe what they were looking at. There were doughnuts of every flavor along with all varieties of cookies, cakes, and pies. They called all their friends to join them in eating these yummy desserts. They shared it throughout the day. Early the next morning, they were awakened by the sound of a doorbell ringing. They ran to their bedroom window to see who was at the door. A truck driver looked up and told them that he had a delivery for them. Reuven and Sara noticed that his truck had huge pictures of games and electronics. The driver brought in boxes and boxes, which he put down in the living room. Reuven & Sara opened boxes full of the latest board and electronic games. They called all their friends to play with all the games.  Meanwhile, they finished eating the delicious cakes from the day before. The next morning, the same thing happened.  This time the truck driver delivered different flavors of ice cream together with frozen desserts. The routine repeated itself for two weeks. Each day, Reuven and Sara excitedly opened their front door. Two weeks later, Reuven had some friends sleeping over at his house. Early the next morning, the doorbell starting ringing. Reuven & Sara heard it and turned over in bed. Reuven’s friends went to the window and saw the truck outside. When they told Reuven, he yawned and told them to have the driver put the boxes in the living room.

What happened? Why weren’t Reuven & Sara excited about the delivery this time? The answer is that they were already used to it coming.  They expected it. Therefore, it was no longer special and exciting. Hashem delivers the greatest gift to us every single morning. Hashem gives us life, by returning our neshama, our soul daily. We should be excited beyond belief, every morning.  We should thank Hashem with excitement, each time.  But many of us do not. Why? We are used to it.  We expect it. It is not new to us, so the excitement has worn off.

The Jewish People, in the desert, had their needs miraculously taken care of. For forty years they received water daily, via a well that traveled with them. Three million people and their animals had their needs taken care of. Yet, not once in those 40 years does the Torah record that they showed appreciation for the miraculous well (Kli Yakar Bamidbar 21:17).

Furthermore, the Torah tells us (Bamidbar20:1) that Moshe’s sister, Miriam died. The very next pasuk says that the Jewish People no longer had water. Rashi connects these 2 psukim, teaching us that the well which supplied water for these 40 years was in the merit of Miriam.  When Miriam died, the well no longer provided the Jewish People with water. The Kli Yakar asks why the well stopped supplying water. He answers that it was as a punishment for the Jews’ lack of appreciation for Miriam. They did not fully appreciate her for the great person that she was and for the great merit that she had earned. Apparently, the Kli Yakar says, the Jews did not eulogize Miriam properly and her memory was quickly forgotten. [After Moshe and Aharon died, it says that the Jewish People cried. It does not say that after Miriam’s death.] As a result, the water stopped flowing. Then the Jewish People realized Miriam’s greatness and that they had received this miraculous source of water only in her merit.

When things are going well, we may tend to take these blessings for granted. We may not fully appreciate our good fortune, as we come to expect it. We may not thank Hashem, as we should, for each kindness that He bestows upon us. Sometimes, only after the blessing is taken away, do we fully appreciate it, retroactively. This trait of not fully appreciating what we have also applies to our relationships with people. Sometimes we do not fully appreciate our loved ones until they are no longer with us.

Be happy with what you have while you still have it! Do not wait until it is gone to appreciate it. Constantly thinking about all the good that Hashem does for you will help you to value it and not take it for granted. Also, do likewise and appreciate your loved ones while they are still with you.

Parshas Korach

I Don’t Agree With You! Let’s Fight!

“Moshe sent for Dosson and Aviram, sons of Eliav, and they said, ‘“We will not come!’” (Bamidbar 16:12)

I recently heard a story from Rabbi Dovid Ashear. A woman walked into a bakery in Israel, one erev Shabbos. As she was thinking about what to buy, the salesman told her that there was a special sale and she could get two cakes for the price of one. She liked the idea but said that she only needed one cake. He suggested that she give the second cake to someone else. She said she could give one to her sister, but she did not have the time to bring it to her. When the salesman heard where her sister lived, he said that he lived only a few blocks away and could deliver it for her. He wrote the name and the address. She wrote a note saying, “From your sister.  Have a great Shabbos!” After Shabbos, she was surprised that her sister did not call her to thank her for the cake. She called her sister and was surprised to hear that the cake had not been delivered. The next morning, she called the bakery to find out what had happened. The salesman said that he had delivered the cake to the address she had given him, to her sister on the first floor. She said, “But my sister lives on the third floor!” Apparently, there were two people at that address with the same last name and the cake was delivered to the “wrong” person. This woman got very curious and looked in the phone book for the phone number of the person who did get the cake. She called and asked the woman who answered the phone if she had a received a cake that erev Shabbos. There was a long pause and the sound of crying could be heard. When the woman composed herself, she said that what they got was more than just a cake. Apparently, her husband had not spoken to his sister for over 10 years because of a petty argument. When he saw the cake from “his” sister, he thought she wanted to make peace and renew the relationship. He called his sister to thank her. That phone call was the catalyst in bringing her husband and his sister back to a peaceful and loving relationship.

Machlokes, arguments are terrible. It can break apart friendships and loving relationships.

The verdict was in. He was guilty of murder.  The judge ordered that he be hung, together with his children, ages 8, 6, 2, and 5 months.

We would be astonished if we heard such a verdict. Why were the guilty man’s children also punished? They did not do anything! Yet, this is what occurred in this week’s Parsha. Korach instigated a machlokes, a dispute, against Moshe Rabbeinu. The catalyst of the dispute was jealousy. Korach wanted a prestigious position. He did not receive it because Hashem had told Moshe to give the position to someone else. Korach was very upset and rallied followers against Moshe. Korach claimed that since the entire Jewish People were holy, all had equal rights to get positions of leadership.  Moshe had no right to give all the leadership positions to those whom he chose. Korach denied that Hashem had told Moshe whom to appoint. Korach also mocked Moshe, falsely claiming that Moshe had made up certain mitzvos (see Rashi 16:1). This machlokes was exceedingly serious because it was more than an attack on Moshe.  It was an attack on Hashem and disputed the validity of the Torah.

The Chofetz Chaim zt”l (Sefer Shmiras Halashon, Shar Hazchira perek 15) discusses the severity of machlokes. It is destructive in terms of relationships as well as being spiritually destructive. It can lead to such serious sins as slander, jealousy, hatred, and even embarrassing a person in public. It is so serious that even young children are punished for their parent’s misdeeds. The Chofetz Chaim quotes the Midrash Tanchuma on this parsha showing how severe machlokes is. The Midrash points out that that the Heavenly Court does not punish a child until he is 20 years old. The Jewish courts do not punish a child until the age of bar or bas mitzvah. Yet, even babies that are one day old, are punished due to machlokes.

Dosson and Aviram, the other leaders of this dispute, stood outside their tents with their wives, children, and infants. They were arrogant and steadfast not to give-in to Moshe. Previously, they had told Moshe that they would not meet with Moshe to discuss their position. They said (Bamidbar 15:16), ”…Even if you gouge out our eyes [and blind us], we will not come!” Their refusal to end the machlokes resulted in their entire families – even the babies, being punished by being swallowed up by the earth.

The Chofetz Chaim says, we see that being involved in a machlokes harms one’s own children. Unfortunately, there are people who ignore that fact. A most unbelievable story about this occurred in the Chofetz Chaim’s own town of Radin (as quoted in Rabbi Frand on the Parshah). Two people got into a very heated argument, which got worse and worse. The children of those two people started mysteriously dying. The Chofetz Chaim approached one of the disputants, pleading with him to stop this machlokes. The Chofetz Chaim told the man that his involvement in the machlokes was causing the death of his children! Incredulously, the man refused to back down. He said that he was going to win the argument even if it meant that all his children would die as punishment!!

The Chofetz Chaim continues (Sefer Shmiras Halashon, Shar Hazchira perek 17) that you should not join a machlokes even to side with a close relative or even to side with your father! Even if your father is correct and the other person is in error, you should still not join the machlokes. [Obviously, if you are able, you should try to peacefully resolve and stop the machlokes.] The Midrash Yalkut Shimoni says that this is what saved Korach’s children from being punished and being swallowed up by the earth. They had initially joined their father in the machlokes against Moshe. They were sitting with their father when Moshe approached. They thought to themselves that if they would stand to show honor to Moshe it would be a disgrace to their father. That would be a problem since they had the mitzvah to honor their father. On the other hand, there was a mitzvah to stand for an elder and a Torah scholar.  They decided to stand to show honor to Moshe. At that moment they felt repentance in their hearts. They felt that this machlokes was wrong. Those feelings of repentance saved their lives.

Imagine the tremendous reward in store for one who ends strife and brings peace. Imagine if one of the people involved in the dispute will swallow his pride and apologize, even though he feels he is totally correct. The reward in store for him will be incalculable. He will also become a happier person when the dispute ends.

Rav Altar Henach Leibowitz zt”l highlights the obligation to try to stop a feud.  Moshe tried to end the feud by asking Dosson and Aviram, two of the leaders of the feud, to come to him (Bamidbar 16:12). They refused to come. So, Moshe went to them. Rashi quotes the Gemora (Sanhedrin page 110A) that Moshe’s actions teach us not to perpetuate a machlokes. Rashi in Sanhedrin adds that Moshe put aside his own honor, in his attempt to foster peace, by going to the home of the instigators. Rav Altar Henach Leibowitz explains that Moshe’s actions were not merely a praiseworthy action. Rather, he was fulfilling a halachic obligation! Had Moshe not gone, every second of delay would have been considered as if he had perpetuated the machlokes! He would have been going against the Torah that states “…One should not act like Korach and his company” (Bamidbar 17:5. See Rashi). One might have thought that it was beneath the dignity of Moshe, the leader of Klal Yisroel, to go seek out those had started a machlokes with him. We learn from this that Moshe acted properly and was even obligated to do what he had done.

No one benefits from machlokes. Often, machlokes starts from a minor and unimportant disagreement that grows and grows into a full-fledged feud. It adds physical stress which is not healthy for a person’s heart. It causes separation between loved ones. It can bring serious harm to one’s children. Furthermore, it is a sin to perpetuate a machlokes. In a machlokes, both sides share some of the blame. However, this machlokes was unique. Moshe was 100% correct! Korach was 100% wrong! If one who was totally right, could initiate an attempt to bring peace then certainly we, who are not 100% right, can initiate the attempt to bring peace.

Initiating peace is more than being nice; it is the halacha!

Parshas Naso

Peace At All Costs!

“And the kohain shall write these curses in a scroll, and he shall blot them out into the water of bitterness” (Bamidbar 5:23)

The Midrash Rabbah (Bamidbar 9:20) cites a fascinating story. A certain woman used to attend Rabbi Meir’s weekly Friday evening shiur. One Friday night, the shiur ended a little later than usual. When this woman returned home, her husband asked her where she had been. She replied that she had been at Rabbi Meir’s shiur. Her husband was upset and told her that he would not let her come home until she would spit in Rabbi Meir’s face! The woman returned to the beis medrash to daven to Hashem. Meanwhile, Eliyahu the prophet revealed himself to Rabbi Meir. He told Rabbi Meir what had happened to this woman. When Rabbi Meir saw the woman, he pretended that his eye was bothering him. He asked the woman to please spit into his eye, seven times. When she finished, Rabbi Meir told her to return home and tell her husband the following: “You asked me to spit [in Rabbi Meir’s face] once, but I did it seven times!”

Rabbi Meir’s actions disturbed his students. They felt that allowing the woman to spit in his face was a degradation of Torah. Rabbi Meir responded that he had learned from Hashem to forego his own honor to bring peace between a husband and wife. Where did Rabbi Meir learn this?
From the story of the sotah, in this week’s parsha. The Torah discusses a case in which a husband was suspicious of his wife’s fidelity and told her not to seclude herself with a specific man. Yet, she ignored him and secluded herself (the rabbinic prohibition of not secluding oneself in a room with the opposite gender was instituted later, during the time of King David). Her husband then brought her to the kohain. If the woman did not admit her guilt, that she had not been faithful to her husband, she had to drink a special drink. It was a mixture of water, taken from the kiyor, together with some dirt from the floor of the Beis Hamikdash. In that mixture was a parchment, containing some psukim, including Hashem’s Holy Name. If the woman was guilty, her stomach swelled up and she died. [The waters of the sotah would only affect her if her husband had been faithful to her]. If she was innocent, then she returned to her husband. Hashem said that he would grant her children as a reward for the shame that she had suffered (Ibn Ezra). If she had difficult childbirths in the past, then future childbirths would more comfortable. She may also give birth to children who were more beautiful (Rashi). Drinking this potion and remaining alive proved beyond a doubt that she was free of guilt and her husband could take her back as a wife. Although it is normally prohibited to erase Hashem’s name, Hashem permitted His Holy Name to be erased to bring peace between husband and wife. This was the lesson that Rabbi Meir learned from the Torah. To foster peace between husband and wife, one should be willing to forego his own personal honor, even the honor of one representing Torah.

Although it may be difficult, sometimes a husband or wife must forego slights to their personal honor for the sake of peace.

Although guiltless of infidelity, the sotah still acted inappropriately. She secluded herself in a room with a man, after her husband had told her not to. Even for such a woman, Hashem permitted His Holy Name to be erased, to bring peace between the couple.

Aharon Hakohain also loved peace and actively pursued it (Pirkei Avos (1:12)). He had been anointed Kohain Gadol by Hashem. In many ways he was as great as Moshe Rabbeinu. Yet he was willing to sacrifice his personal prestige for the sake of peace.

The Talmud (Kallah Rabbasi Perek 3) tells us that when Aharon heard that two men had quarreled, he would go to one and say to him, “Peace be upon you, my master!” to which the man replied, “Peace be upon you, my master and teacher! What does my master seek here?” Then Aharon said, “Your friend sent me to you to appease you. He said, “I have offended my friend”. The man was so impressed that such a righteous man as Aharon had come to appease him. He said to Aharon, “Master, it was I who offended him”. Aharon went to the other man and said the same to him. When the two men met, they would ask each other for forgiveness. Similarly, when Aharon heard of a husband and wife who had quarreled, he would go out of his way to make peace.

Aharon’s actions earned him the love of the entire Jewish nation. In fact, after his death the entire Jewish People, both men and women, mourned him (Bamidbar 20:29) whereas by Moshe’s death, only the men mourned (Devarim 34:8).

Many couples whose marriages had been strengthened by Aharon, showed their gratitude by naming their next son after him. At Aharon’s funeral, there were 80,000 other “Aharon’s” that walked behind him in the funeral procession (Kallah Rabbasi Perek 3).

Both Aharon Hakohain and Rabbi Meir learned their lesson from Hashem. It is a lesson for all of us.

To foster peace between two people or between husband and wife, one should be willing to forego his own personal honor.

Parshas Bamidbar

Win a Phew, Lose a Few!

“The sons of Yosef, the sons of Ephraim…The sons of Menashe” (Bamidbar 1:32,34)

The Talmud (Rosh Hashana 16B) says that we blow the shofar on Rosh Hashana to confuse the Satan. The Satan thinks that the sound he hears is the sound of the shofar, heralding the arrival of Moshiach. Therefore, he restrains himself from bringing accusations against the Jews in the Heavenly court. The Talmud quotes Rabbi Yitzchok who says whenever the shofar is not blown at the beginning of the year, on Rosh Hashana, will be a year that ends with suffering. Tosefos explains in the name of the Hilchos Gedolos that the Talmud is not referring to a year when the first day of Rosh Hashana is on Shabbos, when the shofar may not be blown. Rather, the Talmud means that the shofar was not blown due to an o’ness, an unforeseen circumstance that was out of our control.  We see that even if the shofar can’t be blown due to no fault of our own, the fact remains that the Satan will not be confused. He will bring accusations against the Jews and some harm will result.

Our forefather, Yaakov, told Yosef that his two sons, Ephraim and Menashe, would be considered as Yaakov’s own sons: they would head separate shevatim, tribes. 

The parsha lists the numbers of men in each tribe between the ages of 20 and 60. The Ba’al Haturim questions why the Torah didn’t say, when counting Ephraim and Menashe, these are the children of Yosef; Ephraim had such and such and Menashe had such and such. Rather the Torah says, “These are the children of Yosef. These are the children of Ephraim…These are the children of Menashe.” The Torah seems to be excluding Yosef from the count. The Ba’al Haturim attributes this to the fact that Yosef did not personally carry Yaakov’s coffin from Mitzrayim to Eretz Yisroel. Yosef was considered royalty and royalty was not permitted to carry coffins. Since Yosef did not carry his father’s coffin, the Torah did not want to attribute to him the count of his shevet.

Obviously, Yosef wanted to carry his father’s coffin and due to no fault of his own, was unable to. It was an o’ness, not in his control. Yet, since he did not show this honor to his father, the Torah did not give him this honor of having his family counted under his name.

Rabbi Yissachar Dov Rubin in his Sefer Talelei Oros quotes HaRav, Simcha Zissel Ziv, the Altar of Kelm who draws a beautiful lesson from this Ba’al Haturim. Even if a person has an excellent excuse for not doing a mitzvah due to no fault of his own, the fact remains that he still did not perform the mitzvah. “If others are counted as having performed a mitzvah, and you are not counted amongst them, then your portion will have to be smaller than theirs, even if your absence was not your fault!”

When the Jews brought their first Pesach sacrifice, there was a group who were impure and were unable to bring the sacrifice. They were impure because they were involved in a very important mitzvah, carrying a dead body. (Some say they were carrying Yosef‘s remains to be buried in the Land of Israel. Others say they were carrying a mes mitzvah, a dead body that had no one else to bury it). They were unable to bring the sacrifice due to an o’ness. Yet, it still would not have been considered as if they brought the korban Pesach. They were not happy with that and complained to Moshe about the lack of fairness. Hashem responded that they will have an opportunity to bring their Pesach korban one month later, during Pesach Sheni.

We should always be grateful for the opportunity to do a mitzvah and not feel relief when we are unable to do it.

Parshas Chukas

Derech Eretz Moves Mountains!

“The outpouring of the rivers when it veered to dwell at Ar, and leaned against the border of Moav.” (Bamidbar, 21:15)

Rabbi Yitzchak Elchanan Spector was one of the most famous Rabbis and Talmudic sages of the 19th century. One day when he was busy in his study, one of his students knocked on the door to tell him that his student, Yaacov, had been excused from the army draft. Rabbi Spector had been anxiously awaiting the news whether or not his student would be conscripted into the Russian army. He heartedly thanked the bearer of the good news. A few minutes later, another student knocked on the door with the same message. Rav Yitzchak Elchonon did not want to tell him that he already knew because he wanted the boy to feel joy of being the bearer of good news. He excitedly thanked this second boy. A few minutes later another student knocked on his door. Again, Rav Yitzchak Elchonon expressed his great happiness at hearing the good news. In this way he made this student too, feel that he was the only one informing him of the good news. This is an example of Derech Eretz.

The Jews were on their way to enter the Land of Israel. They reached the territory of the Emorim. Rashi says that the Emorim planned a surprise attack to annihilate all the Jews. The Jews had to pass through a very narrow valley between two mountains that were quite close to each other. The Emorim concealed themselves in mountain caves. They planned to shoot arrows and hurl stones at the Jews as they passed in the very narrow valley below. The Jews would be helpless against them. As the Jews approached the valley, the mountain on the Emorite side (which later became part of Eretz Yisroel) started moving. It moved toward the other mountain until it was pressed against it. Jagged rock formations from that mountain entered perfectly into the caves of the other mountain, crushing all the Emorite soldiers. The Jews were unaware of the danger that they had been saved from. When the Jews passed the area, the mountain that had moved returned to its original position. Hashem wanted the Jews to appreciate the great miracle that He had done to save their lives. Hashem sent the well of Miriam to flow through the valley and carry the blood and smashed limbs of the dead Emorites to the encampment of the Jews. When the Jews realized the great miracle that had saved their lives, they sang a song of praise to Hashem.

Why did the mountain on the side of Eretz Yisroel move? Rashi compared it to a maidservant who upon seeing her mistress, rushes to great her. When the mountain saw the Jews, the true owners of Eretz Yisroel, approaching, it humbly moved towards them. When the Jews passed on, the mountain returned to its original place.

The Sifsei Chachamim asks, Why didn’t the mountain move back immediately after killing the Emorites, allowing the Jews to see Hashem’s miracle right away? Why did the mountain wait until the Jews passed through before it moved back? We know that Hashem does not do any unnecessary miracles. Had the mountain moved back immediately, Hashem would not have needed the additional miracle of having the well of Miriam flow through the valley to bring the Emorite remains to the Jewish encampment.

The Sifsei Chachamim answers that a servant who goes to greet his master does not return to his place until his master passes out of his sight. Thus, the mountain of Eretz Yisroel waited until the Jewish people, its “master”, was out of sight before returning to its place.

The Sifsei Chachamim is teaching us a very important lesson in derech eretz, respectful conduct. Hashem performed an extra, “redundant” miracle for the mountain in order to show proper derech eretz for the Jewish people.

Acting like a mensch precedes our Torah learning. The Rabbeinu Yonah explains that having derech eretz helps one attain and retain his Torah learning. The Sefas Emes (Mishpatim 12) says that the mitzvos between man and his fellow man, ones’ behavior to his friend, is part of the Oral Torah that Hashem gave us. Furthermore, we merit Torah on a level commensurate with the refinement of our middos. The Torah learning then helps one to achieve a higher level of refinement in middos, which in turn helps one to achieve an even higher level of learning. This cycle continues.

We must always act with derech eretz, proper and refined conduct. It is more than just being nice. It is a Torah obligation.